Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What do consensual non-monogamy and polyamory mean?
Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) describes any relationship in which all participants explicitly agree to have multiple concurrent sexual, intimate, and/or romantic relationships. The specific agreements within CNM relationships can vary, depending on what the partners need and want.
Polyamory is a practice or philosophy where someone has, or is open to having, multiple loving partners simultaneously with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Polyamory is distinct from other types of CNM in that people engaged in polyamory tend to be more open to falling in love with more than one person. People engaged in polyamory can be involved in one relationship with multiple partners or in multiple one-on-one relationships. Empirical research indicates that interest in polyamory is becoming increasingly common. (Moors, 2017)
Do people engaged in polyamory have any legal rights?
Currently, not many. Multiple U.S. states (including California, Washington, Louisiana, and Rhode Island) have explicitly recognized the families with multiple parents, such as step-families, adoptive families, and families with CNM parents. The Uniform Parentage Act (a recommended uniform legal framework for establishing parent-child relationships in the US) allows for the legal recognition of more than two parents. In June 2020, the City of Somerville adopted an ordinance allowing for more than two domestic partnerships, whereby residents could legally recognize more than one committed relationship. Outside of the US, the Supreme Court of Newfoundland has recently recognized the parental responsibilities of a polyamorous, three-parent family.
How common is consensual non-monogamy?
More than one in five people in the United States have engaged in a CNM relationship at some point in their life and approximately 4-5% of people are currently in CNM relationships. For context, this is roughly the same size of the lesbian, gay, and bisexual communities combined (Haupert, Gesselman, Moors, Fisher, & Garcia, 2017; Rubin, Moors, Matsick, Ziegler, Conley, 2014).
How are polyamorous people discriminated against?
Historically, non-traditional relationships (e.g., same-sex couples and CNM relationships) and families (e.g., bi-racial families) were criminalized and declared unfit to raise their own children. Despite reforms and progress for some family structures, these negative assumptions persist today. Many judges conclude, without supporting evidence, that people who engage in CNM are less moral, less stable, and less capable to care for children compared to monogamous people (e.g., V.B. v. J.E.B., 2012; Cross v. Cross, 2008). Further, some family courts have misunderstood polyamorous relationships, many assuming that long-term committed plural relationships are equivalent to “wife-swapping” or casual sex-only swinging. (Cross v. Cross, 2008; In re Aleksandree M.M., 2010). Ignorance about polyamory fuels systematic discrimination towards these families.
Despite the majority of people engaged in CNM concealing their CNM out of fear of discrimination and stigma, more than one-half of them report experiencing discrimination anyway (Witherspoon, 2020). Studies demonstrate a high level of stigma as social conditioning leads many to judge nontraditional relationships as less trusting, less meaningful, and less satisfying than their monogamous counterparts (Conley et. al., 2013; Moors et. al., 2013). Studies have identified shared forms of stigma and discrimination between consensually nonmonogamous people and LGBTQ communities including (but are not limited to): fear of coming out, retaliation for coming out, marital/adoption/custody/parental issues, family rejection, difficulty accessing supportive mental health care, housing discrimination, and workplace discrimination.
Why should I support the creation of laws to protect polyamorous people, their relationships, and their families?
Minority stress is a term referring to the additional stress that members of marginalized groups experience because of the prejudice and discrimination they face. Recent research has demonstrated that like other marginalized groups, people engaged in CNM experience minority stress linked to negative physical and mental health outcomes (e.g., increased depression and anxiety). Ordinances protecting workplace and housing discrimination improve the lives in the lives of those engaged in CNM by helping provide many CNM individuals with a sense of validation and recognition, thereby helping to reduce many of the negative mental and physical health consequences of CNM stigma. These ordinances may also prevent future discrimination, broadly validate CNM relationships, and normalize the adoption of similar ordinances across the United States and around the world.
I’m polyamorous, how can I get involved in the fight to end discrimination?
PLAC needs people to speak out about their personal experiences of discrimination to news and media publications to advance the fight for civil rights. Particularly, we are looking for people who can share stories about:
· Health insurance coverage & health care access- inability to cover more than one partner
· Housing discrimination
· Hospital visitation issues with more than one partner
· Employment discrimination
· Child custody challenges
· Any other challenges with lack of recognition of more than one partnership
It’s most helpful to hear stories from people who would be comfortable sharing their names and faces, but we are also open to people who need to remain anonymous. Here’s a helpful article by Executive Director of Chosen Family Law Center, Diana Adams, on how to decide whether it’s safe for you to come out publicly as polyamorous.
If you have a story to share, please email info@polyamorylegaladvocacycoalition.org with “Polyamory Media” in the subject line.